You Are Not Too Much

To those of you who were told we are too much, this is for you.  Too much what?  It doesn’t matter.  Too loud, too aggressive, too big, too small, too loud, too shy, too confident, too standoffish, I could go on and on with this list.  Let me tell you something right now.  You are not too much.  You are just enough.

You see, we aren’t all supposed to be the same.  But sometimes who you are makes other people uncomfortable.  That reaction of others to you isn’t about you.  It is about the person who told you that you were too much.  They were bothered by you and your just enough-ness.

How you showed up in that moment did not invite feedback.  That feedback was forced upon you in an attempt to dim your light or to make you feel less than.  Don’t let it. 

I have numerous experiences when how I showed up caused discomfort in others, so they wanted to cause discomfort for me.  A story that comes immediately to mind was when I was a junior litigator (that’s someone who appears in court for those unfamiliar with the term), a partner included in my review that I “had too much of an edge.”  Truly, a baffling critique of a lawyer who is supposed to appear in court and strongly advocate for her clients.  

The world needs whatever you have extra of.  It is not a weakness; it is a strength.  Your introversion makes you thoughtful and you can add a new dimension of thinking to a project that will make it better.  Your big volume makes you heard as an advocate for yourself and others.  Your body is a good body because all bodies are good bodies worthy of respect, autonomy, and stylish clothing.  You don’t need to shrink or change yourself to be worthy.    

You are just enough. Just as you are.   

Please consider this an invitation to share your “too much” story with others so we can learn from it.  And if you can’t get your own inner critic to stop calling you “too much,” consider coaching to learn a new way to talk to yourself. 

Get & Stay in the Game: Celebrating National Girls & Women in Sports Day

On February 2, 2022, we recognize the National Girls and Women in Sports Day. As a former (maybe still current?) athlete and a coach of girls in sports, I have a particular affinity for celebrating the power of sports and its impact over the short and long term. This year we also celebrate the 50th anniversary of Title IX, the legislation that called for equal participation in programs that were federally funded, resulting in a breakthrough for women in sports.

Sports can have serious benefits over the short and long term. Research from the Women’s Sports Foundation shows that girls who participate in sports experience, “improved physical and mental health; academic achievement; and increased levels of body esteem, confidence, and mastery.”

Sports promotes healthy competition and learning to win AND lose with grace. Sports helps to teach grit, risk taking, and resilience. These characteristics and skills are critical for professional growth and success.

I have seen these characteristics develop in my players over the years. I have watched them dig deep to come back from a deficit. I see them give themselves and their teammates grace when they are trying, but maybe not always hitting the mark. They build each other up, push each other to be better, and hold each other accountable. Year after year, I have had the privilege of watching them get better and find more joy in their skills.

But by age 14, girls drop out of sports at twice the rate of boys. The reasons range from lack of access (girls have 1.3 million fewer opportunities to play high school sports than boys) to social stigma (girls drop out of sports because they feel they are crossing gender boundaries) to lack of positive role models (“[o]nly 41% of women's collegiate teams are coached by women, and only 28% of youth sports coaches are women.”).

This attrition has impact because of the correlation sports has on women’s professional success. 80% of female Fortune 500 executives played competitive sports at some time in their lives. And 94% of women in the C-suite played sports, which shows that many of the most powerful women in business learned their tools for success on the playing field before they entered the board room.

If you have a young person at home, encourage them to get or stay in the game. And tune into your own inner athlete — put on your game face and let your competitiveness and risk taking shine at work. Even if you didn’t grow up playing sports, it’s never too late to find an activity that you enjoy and to experience the benefits of sports. Finally, just like in sports, a great coach can help you learn new skills, develop your game plan, and improve your performance. If you want some help getting improving your game, put me in, I’m ready!