What’s Your Story?

I’ve watched my daughter prepare for her upcoming role in a musical over the last few months. As the performance date approaches, I have noticed that she is spending so much energy worrying about what people would think if she made a mistake that it was all she could focus on.  Instead of enjoying the process of becoming her character, she was telling herself the story of her imagined worst-case scenarios. It was sapping her energy and her joy.

It got me to thinking how often we do this over the course of our lives.  Where instead of allowing ourselves to enjoy a moment, we deprive ourselves of doing something—dancing, trying something new, stepping onto that karaoke stage, wearing something bold, speaking out, etc.—because we tell ourselves others will judge us harshly if we make a mistake.  But studies show that we overestimate how much people judge us for our mistakes (or even notice our mistakes at all).  

It is not really the judgment of others that gets in our way, but the false narrative we create in our heads. So, if we are the authors of our own story, why not tell a better one? Instead of telling ourselves the story of our potential failures and mistakes, we instead craft a narrative where we get to be the hero of our own tale.  Why not feel the joy of being on stage and giving our best performance, instead of the panic of an imagined and not so important mistake?

When you start hearing that voice inside your head tell you a story you don’t like, ask yourself “what is the story I am telling myself?” Then give yourself the opportunity to tell yourself a better one. One where you get to be victorious on your quest. If your inner narrator is giving you some trouble, maybe give coaching a try.

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”
― Erin Hanson